Chan & Mann: Soul Satisfaction

Chan & Mann: Soul Satisfaction, written and performed by Audrey Chan and Elana Mann, Sounding Out: New Music and Performance, Main Gallery, California Institute of the Arts, November 25, 2005. (Video by Bradney Evans, Photo by Jomo Jelani Haywood)

CHAN & MANN: SOUL SATISFACTION

MANN: CHAN, ARE YOU READY?

CHAN: MANN, I DON’T THINK I’M READY.

MANN: C’MON, LET’S GO! GO! GO! SHOW ME YOU’RE READY!

CHAN: OK, TRYING TO GET READY…. (JOGGING IN PLACE)

MANN: THE JUICES ARE FLOWING…I’M FEELING PUMPED! I’M FEELING GOOD! CAN YOU FEEL IT? OH YEAH…I KNOW YOU’RE FEELING THIS.

CHAN: UM…I DON’T KNOW IF I WANT TO DO THIS.

MANN: I CAN FEEL IT FROM INSIDE OF YOU. YOU DON’T KNOW IT’S THERE…YET. BUT IT’S THERE. AND I ASK YOU AGAIN: ARE YOU READY?!!!!

CHAN: I’M READY!

MANN: THAT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, CHAN!

CHAN: I’M READY!!!!!!!

MANN: ARE YOU READY TO PSYCH THESE PEOPLE UP?

CHAN: LET’S DO IT!

CHAN & MANN: ARE YOU READY??!?!!??

MANN: CHAN, I DON’T THINK THEY’RE READY!

CHAN: NO, ACTUALLY I THINK THEY ARE.

MANN: NO. THEY AREN’T READY. LET’S TRY THIS AGAIN. I WANT TO FEEL YOUR ENERGY. I WANT TO GET PUMPED OFF YOUR ENERGY.

A-R-E Y-O-U R-E-A-D-Y !!!!!!!!

(CROWD GOES WILD)

CHAN: NOW THAT WE’VE PUMPED YOU UP, WE’RE GOING TO TAKE YOU DOWN…DOWN A PATH ON A JOURNEY TO SOMEPLACE YOU’VE NEVER BEEN BEFORE.

MANN: BUT I’M STILL PUMPED!

CHAN: BUT WE’RE BRINGING IT DOWN, SMOOTHIN IT OUT, TUCKING IN THE CORNERS, MAKING THE BED.

MANN: THAT’S RIGHT, WE’RE GOING TO TAKE YOU THERE! YOU! AND YOU! AND YOU!

CHAN: CAN YOU FEEL IT? (RIGHT HERE, POUNDING CHEST) OH YEAH, YOU FEEL IT TOO. NOW, WE WANT TO DO ONE THING FOR US NOW.

MANN: NOW, I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, I BUT I WANT TO BE CLOSING MY EYES RIGHT NOW.

CHAN: THAT’S RIGHT, LET’S START DOWN THE PATH WE’RE CLOSING OUR EYES TOO. WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.

MANN: NOW WHERE ARE WE GOING TO START OUR JOURNEY? WHERE ARE WE GOING? WE’RE GOING DEEP INSIDE OF YOU.

CHAN: CHAN IS HOLDING YOUR LEFT HAND.

MANN: MANN IS HOLDING YOUR RIGHT HAND.

CHAN: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. WE ARE WITH YOU, SUPPORTING YOU DOWN THAT PATH. (WHERE ARE WE GOING?)

MANN: (WE’RE CLIMBING THE LADDER.)

CHAN: (OH, RIGHT, CLIMBING THE LADDER.)

MANN: VISUALIZE A LADDER THAT STRETCHES FAR ABOVE YOU. IN FACT, YOU CAN’T SEE WHERE IT ENDS. YOU START CLIMBING IT. YOU’RE CLIMBING, CLIMBING…AND YOU GET TO A WINDOW ON YOUR LEFT, YOU LOOK IN, AND YOU SEE YOUR FEARS, AND THAT’S SCARY.

CHAN: I’M SCARED! (LOOKING IN THE WINDOW ON THE LEFT)

MANN: ALL YOUR FEARS ARE LAID OUT IN FRONT OF YOU. YOU FEEL AFRAID AND FRIGHTENED, BUT THAT DOESN’T STOP YOU. KEEP ON CLIMBING. AND NOW YOU REACH THE SECOND WINDOW, IT’S ON YOUR RIGHT. THERE ARE YOUR INSECURITIES. WOW. THOSE MOMENTS OF SELF DOUBT, LACK OF CONFIDENCE, AND YOU’RE FACED BY THEM.

CHAN: I’M EMBARASSED! (LOOKING IN THE WINDOW ON THE RIGHT)

MANN: BUT THAT DOESN’T STOP YOU, NO IT DOESN’T. AND THEN YOU KEEP ON CLIMBING. AND YOU SEE THE UGLY PARTS OF YOU. THOSE DEEP DARK PARTS THAT YOU DON’T WANT ANYONE TO SEE. AND YOU KEEP ON CLIMBING. AND NEXT YOU SEE THE HURTS. THE HURTS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD, YOUR ADOLESCENCE, HURTS FROM YESTERDAY, HURTS FROM TODAY, HURTS FROM TOMORROW. THROUGH THE DARK SPOTS, YOU’RE GOING TO KEEP ON CLIMBING. NOW, YOU MAY MEET SOME FRIENDS ON THE WAY UP, LIKE CHAN…

CHAN: HEY, I’M ON MY LADDER TOO!

MANN: OH, YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE ALONE CLIMBING YOUR LADDER? YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE? ON YOUR LADDER WITH YOUR PROBLEMS?

CHAN: NOW, KEEPING YOUR EYES CLOSED. JUST TAKE A LOOK AROUND, WE’RE ALL ON OUR OWN LADDERS.

[BEAT]

NOW THAT YOU KNOW HOW TO CLIMB YOUR LADDER, LET’S GET BACK DOWN, DOWN ON THE GROUND. OH, BUT THIS ISN’T THE GROUND YOUR USED TO…IT GIVES UNDER YOUR FEET…IT’S SANDY…THE SAND GETS BETWEEN YOUR TOES…YOU’RE ON THE BEACH. IT’S JUST BEFORE SUNDOWN AND THE SKY IS JUST STARTING TO TURN PINK…THE WAVES ARE LAPPING UP ON THE SHORE UNDER YOUR FEET…IT FEELS COOL…YOUR FEET ARE TIRED AFTER ALL THAT CLIMBING…THIS IS YOUR MOMENT.

BUT YOU HEAR SOMETHING BEATING…AND YOU ASK YOURSELF, “WHAT IS THAT?!” AND YOU TOUCH YOUR HEART, AND YOU REALIZE IT’S NOT YOUR HEART THAT’S BEATING. IT’S COMING FROM OFF IN THE DISTANCE. BUT IT’S COMING CLOSER, CAN YOU HEAR IT?

(CUE IN DA CLUB, 50 CENT)

WHO ARE YOU? I LIKE YOU. IT’S MY BIRTHDAY? OOH, I LIKE THAT. I WANT THAT. I NEED THAT! WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE DRUGS? I WANT TO HUG YOU TOO! I CAN HUG YOU? OH, IT FEELS SO GOOD TO HUG YOU. (HUGGING THE AIR IN FRONT OF ME) (DANCING)

MANN: (OPEN EYES) WHOA. WHOA. WHOA! (TURNS OFF THE CD PLAYER). WHERE ARE YOU, CHAN? YOU LEFT US. EVERYONE, CHAN DID NOT TAKE US THERE. SHE WENT THERE BY HERSELF. OK, OK…(SIGH)…WE GOT WAY OFF TRACK THERE. WE’RE REALLY SORRY. THAT’S NOT WHAT WE’RE HERE FOR. I THINK WE NEED TO DO A LITTLE COUNTING. EVERYBODY–

CHAN: REMEMBER TO CLOSE YOUR EYES

MANN: –WE’RE GOING TO COUNT DOWN FROM TEN. COUNT WITH ME NOW: TEN…NINE…EIGHT…SEVEN…SIX…FIVE…FOUR…THREE…TWO…

CHAN: REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU WERE REALLY EMBARASSED? WE LIKE TO USE A DIFFERENT WORD FOR TALKING ABOUT THOSE EMBARRASSING MOMENT. AND THAT WORD IS…

CHAN & MANN: LICORICE.

CHAN: LIKE, THAT TIME WHEN YOUR MOM CAUGHT YOU MASTURBATING? LET’S CALL THAT TIME LICORICE.

MANN: REMEMBER THAT TIME LICORICE HAPPENED?

CHAN: HOW DID YOU FEEL? DID YOU FEEL UPSET? LIKE YOU WANTED TO CRY? DID YOU JUST WANT TO DISAPPEAR AND MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY?

MANN: IMAGINE THAT LICORICE IS LIKE A NET WRAPPED ALL AROUND YOUR BODY. BUT THIS NET IS VERY THIN.

CHAN: AND IT’S EASY TO BREAK THROUGH.

MANN: AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO BREAK THAT NET IS TO MOVE JUST A LITTLE BIT.

CHAN: AND YOU’LL FIND THAT YOU’RE FREE FROM THAT NET, FREE FROM THAT CONFINEMENT.

MANN: IT WAS SO. EASY.

CHAN: OH, IT FEELS GOOD TO BE FREE.

MANN: AND YOU DID IT. YOU BROKE THROUGH.

CHAN: I CAN FEEL THE FREEDOM. I CAN TASTE IT. IT TASTES LIKE…

MANN: LICORICE.

[BEAT]

CHAN: LET’S ALL OPEN OUR EYES! LET IN THE LIGHT! YOU KNOW, WE WERE TOTALLY FOCUSED AND COMMITTED IN THAT VISUALIZATION!

MANN: LET’S GIVE OURSELVES A ROUND OF APPLAUSE!

CHAN: WE’VE REACHED THE END OF OUR JOURNEY, AND THE BEGINNING OF A NEW PATH. WE WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU SOMETHING THAT WE LIKE TO DO AT THE END OF OUR SOUL SATISFACTION SESSIONS.

MANN: IT’S FROM THE BROADWAY MUSICAL PRODUCTION FICTIONALIZING THE LIFE OF ONE OF OUR ALL TIME HEROES, DON QUIXOTE DE LA MANCHA. IT’S A LITTLE SONG CALLED “THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM.”

(CHAN GETS CD PLAYER CUED UP)

CHAN & MANN: (SPEAKING OVER MUSIC)

TO DREAM THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM
TO FIGHT THE UNBEATABLE FOE
TO BEAR WITH UNBEARABLE SORROW
TO RUN WHERE THE BRAVE DARE NOT GO

TO RIGHT THE UNRIGHTABLE WRONG
TO LOVE PURE AND CHASTE FROM AFAR
TO TRY WHEN YOUR ARMS ARE TOO WEARY
TO REACH THE UNREACHABLE STAR

THIS IS MY QUEST
TO FOLLOW THAT STAR
NO MATTER HOW HOPELESS
NO MATTER HOW FAR

TO FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT
WITHOUT QUESTION OR PAUSE
TO BE WILLING TO MARCH INTO HELL
FOR A HEAVENLY CAUSE

AND I KNOW IF I’LL ONLY BE TRUE
TO THIS GLORIOUS QUEST
THAT MY HEART WILL LIE PEACEFUL AND CALM
WHEN I’M LAID TO REST

AND THE WORLD WILL BE BETTER FOR THIS
THAT ONE MAN, SCORNED AND COVERED WITH SCARS
STILL STROVE WITH HIS LAST OUNCE OF COURAGE
TO REACH THE UNREACHABLE STAR

CHAN: THANK YOU, EVERYBODY. (CLAPPING)

MANN: THANK YOU, SO SO SO MUCH!

CHAN & MANN: THANK YOU! AND YOU! AND YOU! (HUGGING SELF) (HUGGING EACH OTHER)